10 Things That Prove Our Ancestors Were Total Pervs

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2. Etruscan Civilisation (Ancient World)

D1 Tarquinia-Bull

The Etruscans loved sex so much that even the Greeks and Romans were embarrassed: surviving frescos depict sodomy, copulation, flagellation and good old-fashioned pederasty all being enjoyed out in the open. Like, literally: with other dudes watching like it ain’t no thang. Even worse were their parenting skills: Theopompus reports visiting a sex party where children were invited to join in.

But what really blew the minds of Greeks and Romans alike was the sheer freedom enjoyed by Etruscan women: not content with being subservient to men, they flitted around having sex with whoever they felt like and no-one gave a damn. This was too much for the ancients: giant orgies, sex with kids? OK. Equal rights for women? Perverts.

1. Stone Age Sex (Everywhere)

Neanderthal

If you’re still not convinced our species is inherently perverted, you just have to look at our distant ancestors. These guys were still just getting together what it meant to be human, and what it apparently meant was lots of dirty sex. Ancient cave paintings of crude sex scenes have been uncovered across the world, including some depicting bestiality.

There is evidence that dildos were in use around 26,000 BC (that’s roughly 20,000 years before the wheel); while most scientists accept we now had regular sex with our Neanderthal cousins, and possibly enslaved them for that specific purpose. So basically, we’re descended from a bunch of slave owning pornographers who were too busy playing with sex toys to come up with the simplest goddamn invention in human history. Go figure.

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